Retrospect to be Inserted in the Journal
David Livingstone

Date of composition: 10 March 1870
Place of composition: Bambarre
Repository: National Library of Scotland, Edinburgh, United Kingdom
Shelfmark: MS.10703, ff. 40-43
Clendennen & Cunningham number(s): Field Diaries, 034
Digital edition and date: Livingstone Online, 2016
Publisher: University of Maryland Libraries, College Park, MD, USA
Project id: liv_000211
TEI encoding: Adrian S. Wisnicki, Megan Ward, Heather F. Ball, Ashanka Kumari, Alexander Munson

[liv_000211_0001]

Retrospect to be inserted in the 40
Journal if I get back to where it is left in
Ujiji -

5

I often ponder over my missionary
carreer among the Bakwains or Bakwena
and though conscious of many imperfections
not a single pang of regret arises in the
review of my conduct except that I did
10not feel it to be my duty while spending
all my energy in teaching the heathen, to
devote a special portion of my time to
play with my children - But generally
was so much exhausted by the mental &
15manual labour of the day that in the evening
there was no fun in me - I did not play
with my little ones when I had them &
They soon sprang up & left me conscious
[When half grown in England subsequently]
20that I had none to play with # ^ I was
conscientious in punishing glaring
faults when these were brought before
me and now think that Solomon's
dicta which mainly guided me were a
25mistake "He that spareth the rod hateth his
child" "Let not thy soul spare for his crying"
seemed to me then to be virtues - axioms -
and I punished when my nature said
forbear = The severe inculcations were
30intended for the mild East & not for the
hard ungenial temperaments of the North
and West - no Eastern would beat his
son too much - scarcely at all - His
wife might punish but it would be
35feminine strokes - H{S}olomons opinions
were to be taken as the command
"Give to everyone that asketh of thee
but joined to providing for ones own"

[liv_000211_0002]

My first missionary efforts were necessarily
directed to the chiefs because without their sanction
nothing could be done - The first chief Mosielele
was as his name implies a weakling - I was accom
5-panied by a much older man than myself and he
advised caution & reserve as to our objects - I listened
to the voice of age & we made no efforts to teach in a
formal way - Messages had however been sent from
chieftains further south explaining our objects
10and that our mode of procedure would be pretending
liberality of sentiments which meant hiding our
real objects till we had gained a footing among
the people and then said old of Motito farewell
to your power & chieftainship - We were to be closely
15watched and any one shewing an inclination to
to harm was to be prevented - My associate soon
put his foot into his own system for having obtained
information privately by some improper {deeds}cond-
-duct on the part of the chief he gave his inform
20-ant his views of such conduct, and Mokhosi
the spy proceeded at once to utter all that had
been committed to him in confidence before
a full meeting of the principal men - so long as I
was busy building a comfortable house and
25laying in water for irrigation on a fine
garden I endured this underhand system
but I went to the Bakwena or Bakwains
& was at once formally invited by the
chief Sechele to come & teach him & his
30people - I accepted this call joyfully and
began by teaching the chief himself the
alphabet - He was greatly superior in every
respect to Mosielele and told his people that
he was determined to examine this new
35system to the foundation for himself -
and would go into it too if he found it
worthy of trust - I had hard manual labour [liv_000211_0002]
in building here too, but it was lightened by 41
feeling that every day I was doing real mission
-ary work - Glancing back at my associate
he very soon had some quarrel with Mosielele
5lost all control of his tongue & pronounced
him to be a fool in words which he had a
special aptitude in picking up - The chief
forbade man woman or child to to go near
the school or have anything to do with the teacher
10and this prohibition lasted with rigour for eight
years - The mission spent all the little zeal it
had on a few emigrants from Kuruman
who already christianized came to enjoy better
pasturage for their cows - The Boers ultimately
15rooted out the whole affair - The chief many
years afterwards was reported to be eager in
getting his children instructred by a native teacher
who has good command of his tongue -

Sechele's progress in knowledge was
20rapid - He was much taken with the idea
that in learning to read he was acquiring the
the key to all that we know of the gospel
He could then judge for himself as to its
value and teach his people accordingly
25This he gave as a reason for his great assidu
-ity in learning - I have no doubt but that
his heart too was touched by what he
learned - "This man said he has been
sent to us by Jesus" - He did not know
30our name but he put it into his
heart to go & warn us" = I was anxious
to avoid public profession of faith on
account of the effect on the people of
a weak wavering converts whose
35defects would all be noted & commented on [liv_000211_0001]
and especially for the effect on
the superfluous wives & their relatives
The wives were the best scholars we
had and I longed that they should under
5stand the gospel before any action
were taken by husbands or others
Sechele said to me "I formly believe the
word of God to be true - I invariably
tell my best friends so - but I am in
10great difficulty - You cannot under-
-stand how fast I am bound by our
customs Oh I wish you had come afore
I was enchained by them" - As it then
seemed the vesture of his chieftainship
15depended on his keeping on good terms
with the relatives of the woman whom
he had married - they in fact built
him up when his father was murdered
and made him all that he was - "Let
20me go to your country where I shall be
free" - As I have published some
account of this chief I shall not add
more than that though he has given
some cause for dissatisfation by
25his weakness & subsequent incon-
-sistencies I can solemnly declare
that I considered him to be a true
christian - The first extempore prayer
he uttered in my presence could
30not have been learned # but from
the Holy Spirit - The phraseology was
not acquired from me or from [liv_000211_0003]
the native teachers but was his own & 42
expressed the exceeding greatness of our
sins, and of the love of God which follow
-ed us when astray to save us - When he
5applied for baptism as a formal recog
nition of his faith with the express hope
that when he had fully professed his belief
some of his people would join him
I could not refuse though I regretted the
10step because of its probable effect on
wives & relatives who could not account
for it but my powerful charm over
him, by of course medicine - No sooner
was he recieved than the news spread like
15wildfire vexing more especially all the
Southern chiefs who were of one accord
haters of christianity - Feelings of envy
unfortunately found an entrance into
the bossoms of some who had ^ in vain been advised
20by the Directors to follow my example
in commencing a new mission, and
[^ enjoying comfortable homes in the south]
found{gave} vent in words to native ears
who readily adopted & exaggerated the
25opinion that I had been too precipitate
in baptizing the chief = No account was
taken of the three years in which I had
carefully ^ taken in and watched his conduct, and found
it more upright & christian than that
30of the majority of his censors - He was
declared to be a hypocrite and was
decieving me - various scurrilities
concocted by christians & their leaders
reached Sechele's ears = He accounted for
35them by people being of different temper
-ments - thus one teaching threw down
his book on the floor and uttered un-
-becoming invective against circumcision [liv_000211_0004]
which is never publicly discussed - "You
nature would not let you do this" - We
must make allowances for differences
in hearts" = Sechele's people too heard of these
5scurrilities, and they lowered the christians in
their eyes - The only weakness I was con-
-scious of was unwillingness to drive
away the superflous wives to be enemies
to christianity wherever they went - I wished
10them to be kept rather in the town within
the sphere of christian influences - Sechele went
to one of his wives - one whom he could not
view as another man's - this rang still more
loudly all over the country & my weakness
15& folly were supposed to be proved beyond
question - If to sympathize with these poor
women were weakness then I was guilty of it
A series of droughts and the encroachments
of the emigrant Boers made me turn my
20face Northwards & listen to the invitation
of Sebitwane the chief of the Makololo - There
if I could open up intercourse with the coast
I might work out my plan of a widely em
-bracing mission without pain from the
25narrowminded who could not look beyond
their comfortable houses & gardens to the heathen
o{W}ithout naming any one it was painful to
have my wife insulted on a visit to her
parents by loud guffaws raised by the
30bretheren gloating over perverted versions
of my conduct from native telltales The
mission of bishop Mackenzie opened
still wider prospects than that of the Ma
kololo but was all quashed by his
35lamented death - His followers being all
utterly incapable of leading a movement [liv_000211_0004]
against Heathenism - I took up the sources 43
of the Nile with the intention of combining
a benevolent mission therewith in the
most favoured spot I should come across
5It has taken much longer than I contemplated
to trace the springs from 12° South and I am
now so sorely knocked up - weak & toothless
I must retire as soon as I can fix the course
of Lualaba - I can only hope to be awarded
10the honour of an example of perseverance
in doing my duty in spite of ill health - war
& unknown people opposing - a stout
hearted servant of Him who made fashioned
and owns all this region

15

In the Review of Dr Todds work ^ in Quarterly 1866 on
St Patrick & the Early Irish Church
surprise is expressed that we cannot
do as he did - I was offered lands and
fountains of water by Sechele & by the
20Makololo but these are valueless unless
peopled - land is absolutely of no value
and missions could not be carried
on without foreign aid unless indeed
they were industrial institutions like
25the Moravian - Were I young again
nothing would delight me more
than attempting something of the sort
but the Irish Monastic Institutions
would have to be modified greatly
30before they would suit Africa - I
pray to be guided in this & possibly
the Basongo of Merere may be a
suitable people to begin with - but
age tells on my energies sorely & so
35does this unhealthy Manyema

10 March 1870 1870

to have St Patrick's success we would require a second
Ireland and 2nd Irish

[liv_000211_0003]
Tongwe
Tembwe
Para
Chanza
5Manda very large the
best see hills
Thupa
Zongwe
Tende
10Chunda ch Do land
Luambo ch. & Do
Mazanze
Msenga, Karembwe's ch
Lonangwa pango River large
15Nange
Karambwe = Tambala
Msenga = chomba chief
Chimembwe chief