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				<title>Letter to Agnes Livingstone 1</title>
                <title type="alternative">Letter to Agnes Livingstone 1, 29 April 1862</title>
				<author xml:id="DL">Livingstone, David, 1813-1873</author>
			</titleStmt>
			<publicationStmt>
				<authority>Livingstone Online</authority>
				<pubPlace>London</pubPlace>
				<date>2006-10-09</date>
				<publisher>Wellcome Centre for the History of Medicine, UCL</publisher>
				<idno type="LEAP-ID">liv_001772</idno>
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				<bibl xml:id="ccnumber">Letters, 1221</bibl>
				<bibl xml:id="recipient"><persName>Livingstone, Agnes 1, 1782-1865</persName></bibl>
				<bibl xml:id="date"><date when="1862-04-29">29 April 1862</date></bibl>
				<bibl xml:id="where">Shupanga</bibl>
				<bibl xml:id="shelfmark">National Library of Scotland; MS. 10704, ff. 17-20</bibl><!-- 1 --><!--1862-04-29--><!--Original:1862-04-29-->
			</sourceDesc>
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			<change>
				<date>2006-09-15</date>
				<name>Sharon Messenger</name>initial transcription
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	<pb n="0001" facs="liv_001772_0001"/><!--pb/@n='17r'-->
<!--note written along left hand side of leter--> 
<addSpan spanTo="#addEnd-17r" place="marginleft"><!--addSpan/@place='left margin of fol. 17r'--></addSpan>
<lb/><p rend="no-indent">We burned large quantities of clothing &amp; selected what was best 
<lb/>for Ann's children &amp; for Agnes</p><anchor xml:id="addEnd-17r"/>
<!--hand01top right17--><!--hand02topleft49-->
<lb/><p rend="right"><space extent="3" unit="chars"/><placeName>Shupanga</placeName> 29<hi rend="sup underline">th</hi> April</p>
<lb/><p rend="right"><space extent="2" unit="words"/><space extent="3" unit="chars"/>1862</p>
<lb/><p rend="no-indent"><space extent="2" unit="chars"/>My Dear <persName>Mother</persName></p>
<lb/><p><space extent="3" unit="words"/><space extent="1" unit="chars"/>With a sore sore heart I 
<lb/>give you the sad news that my dear 
<lb/><persName>Mary</persName> died here on the 27<hi rend="sup underline">th</hi>. This unlooked 
<lb/>for bereavement quite crushes and 
<lb/>takes the heart out of me. Everything 
<lb/>else that happened in my <choice><sic>carreer</sic><corr>career</corr></choice> only 
<lb/>made the mind rise to overcome it, 
<lb/>but this takes away all my strength. 
<lb/>If you knew how I loved &amp; trusted 
<lb/>her you might realize my loss. I try to 
<lb/>bow to the stroke as from the Lord who 
<lb/>gave and who has taken away but 
<lb/>there are regrets which will follow 
<lb/>me to my dying day. If I had done so 
<lb/>and so. &amp;c &amp;c. My arrangements 
<lb/>were all disarranged beyond my control 
<lb/>you may have heard how earnestly 
<lb/>I pushed through the unhealthy 
<w>low-<lb break="no"/>lands</w> with the first party though I 
<lb/>foresaw some bellowing about breaking 

	<pb n="0002" facs="liv_001772_0002"/><!--pb/@n='17v'-->
<lb/>the Sabbath - and saved them all. Then 
<lb/>I delayed <persName>Bishop Mackenzie's</persName> party for 
<lb/>three months in order <add place="above">that</add> they might not be 
<lb/>exposed in the lowlands as he subsequently 
<lb/>exposed himself and was cut off. When 
<lb/>I permitted my dear dear <persName>Mary</persName> to join me 
<lb/>again, I ordered the new steamer fitted 
<lb/>expressly for her comfort to be made to 
<lb/>sail out - then on reaching the <placeName>Kongone</placeName>
<lb/>to cut wood, and steam up at whatever 
<lb/>time she arrived; this would have 
<w>in-<lb break="no"/>volved</w> but a three or four days exposure 
<lb/>but my orders were departed from, 
<lb/>and the steamer came out in a <unclear cert="low">brig in</unclear>
<lb/><unclear cert="low">pieces.</unclear> Even then it looked as if we 
<lb/>should get quickly through for <persName>Captain 
<lb/>Wilson</persName> volunteered with about ninety 
<lb/>men and officers to take us up to the 
<lb/><placeName>cataracts</placeName>. but the engineer had neglected 
<lb/>the engines. they were full of sand, and 
<lb/>not knowing this we were three weeks 
<lb/>in coming this far, which distance we 
<lb/>have done before and since in three days. 
<lb/>We could not go further and resolved to 
<lb/>put the vessel together here. Then the <unclear cert="low">Gorgon</unclear>

	<pb n="0003" facs="liv_001772_0003"/><!--pb/@n='18r'-->
<lb/><!--hand01top right18-->whose Captain &amp; officers were with us, 
<lb/>were driven off in a hurricane, and we 
<lb/>had to wait 17 days at <placeName>Kongone</placeName> for her 
<lb/>return. It would have broken <persName>Mary's</persName>
<lb/>heart to send her away then. She had 
<lb/>some little touches of fever but so 
<lb/>quickly got over that I felt no alarm. 
<lb/>They rather served to make us confident 
<lb/>that she would not be much troubled 
<lb/>with the disease. But on the 20<hi rend="sup underline">th</hi> she 
<lb/>had spasms in her stomach and then 
<lb/>bilious colic but moved about not 
<lb/>much the worse. It was relieved by 
<lb/>a mustard poultice on the stomach. 
<lb/>then vomiting ensued which nothing 
<lb/>could stop. This is the worst form 
<lb/>of fever we have for the remedies 
<lb/>are rejected. Enough of quinine 
<lb/>was got in to affect her ears but 
<lb/>nothing ever moved the liver. She 
<lb/>vomited only the water she drank 
<lb/>on the 25<hi rend="sup underline">th</hi> I had to lift her up when 
<lb/>she wanted anything. I tended her 
<lb/>night and day myself, and she expressed 
<lb/>herself pleased with my services. I 
<lb/>trust she had also the tender care of 

	<pb n="0004" facs="liv_001772_0004"/><!--pb/@n='18v'-->
<lb/>an Almighty arm around her. On the morning 
<lb/>of the 27 <hi rend="sup underline">th</hi> she began to moan and said "I am 
<lb/>not in pain but cannot help moaning 
<lb/>from a feeling of distressing weakness." 
<lb/>She thought the room hot and I opened 
<lb/>the window about 3 A.M. A Portuguese 
<lb/>had sent us four melons the day before, 
<lb/>and she being fond of them I had fed her 
<lb/>with the heart of one during the night &amp; 
<lb/>it seemed to stop the vomiting. When day 
<lb/>broke I began to fear the worst and soon 
<lb/>after on lifting her up to drink she had 
<lb/>lost the power of drinking except from 
<lb/>a spoon as she lay. I burst into tears 
<lb/>and said "My dearie My dearie you are 
<lb/>going to leave me" "Are you resting on 
<lb/>Jesus" I had to speak loud to make her 
<lb/>hear as her ears were affected by the 
<lb/>quinine. I think she understood for 
<lb/>she looked thoughtfully up towards 
<lb/>Heaven. I regret exceedingly that I did 
<lb/>not employ writing for as her voice 
<lb/>was lost her hearing came back. &amp; 
<lb/><add place="above">vice versa</add> I found she was quite sensible for on 
<lb/>asking are you in pain she said no 

	<pb n="0005" facs="liv_001772_0005"/><!--pb/@n='19r'-->
<lb/>Several times she made a great effort 
<lb/>to say it. D<hi rend="sup underline">r</hi> Kirk and I used every 
<lb/>effort to make the liver act but it never 
<lb/>did. She became jaundiced in the whites 
<lb/>of the eyes and lay nearly insensible 
<lb/>but answered my kisses till within half 
<lb/>an hour of departing. After commending 
<lb/>her soul to him who himself passed though 
<lb/>the gate of death, M<hi rend="sup underline">r</hi> Stewart leading 
<lb/>our prayer, she sooned breathed heavily. 
<lb/>Then lying with her mouth a little open 
<lb/>she gently shut it &amp; breathed no more. 
<lb/>She was falling asleep in Jesus. </p>
<lb/><p>I look to her previous experience 
<lb/>and life for comfort, and thank 
<lb/>God for his mercy, there we have it. 
<lb/>On leaving England the parting with 
<lb/>her dear family &amp; especially the little 
<lb/>one I have never seen, she seems to 
<lb/>have fallen into a gloomy desponding 
<lb/>state but happily Rev<hi rend="sup underline">d</hi> James 
<lb/>Stewart of the Free Church was there. 
<lb/>and she opened her mind to him. The 
<lb/>course he adopted in counselling her 

	<pb n="0006" facs="liv_001772_0006"/><!--pb/@n='19v'-->
<lb/>was the means of bringing back peace of 
<lb/>mind and trust in our Saviour 
<lb/>A letter she wrote then is very consoling 
<lb/>and another to myself at a subsequent 
<lb/>period relieves my mind from all 
<lb/>anxiety as to her present state though 
<lb/>it does not I must confess assuage 
<lb/>the grief I feel for her loss at a period 
<lb/>when the prospects seemed so fair for 
<lb/>much comfort &amp; usefulness in her 
<lb/>society. You will appreciate a 
<lb/>prayer I found in her hand writing 
<lb/>though tied up with sheets of notes 
<lb/>of a sermon, and another which 
<lb/>says bitter things against her own 
<lb/>kindness of heart. </p><!--faint dividing line-->
<lb/><p>Accept our Lord as I am, and 
<lb/>make me such as thou wouldst 
<lb/>have me to be </p><!--faint dividing line-->
<lb/><p rend="no-indent"> He who taught her to value &amp; use this prayer 
<lb/>did not leave his gracious work unfinished </p>

	<pb n="0007" facs="liv_001772_0007"/><!--pb/@n='20r'-->
<!--hand0120-->
<lb/><p> M<hi rend="sup underline">r</hi> Rae made the coffin that night. 
<lb/>the dear body was washed by D<hi rend="sup underline">r</hi> Kirk &amp;  
<lb/>M<hi rend="sup underline">r</hi> Stewart and wound up in sheets. 
<lb/>When we put it in the coffin it struck 
<lb/>us all as the image of her father. The 
<lb/>sailors wished to mount guard but there 
<lb/>was no need for it. Next morning she 
<lb/>still looked her father's picture but deeply 
<lb/>jaundiced. The men dug her grave 
<lb/>beneath a <unclear cert="low">Prasbab</unclear> tree 60 feet in 
<lb/>circumference, and begged to guard her 
<lb/>remains till the grave was built up 
<lb/>This we allowed. The natives all seemed 
<lb/>to sympathize with us. The Portuguese 
<lb/>wished to fire guns but I refused - The 
<lb/>burial service was read by M<hi rend="sup underline">r</hi> Stewart 
<lb/>and I did not restrain my tears for she 
<lb/>deserved them. A good good wife 
<lb/>and mother was she. God have 
<lb/>pity on the children. She was so 
<lb/>much beloved by them. We find 
<lb/>that she had made practical preparation 
<lb/>for making us all comfortable 
<lb/>on board the Lady Nyassa. She was </p>

	<pb n="0008" facs="liv_001772_0008"/><!--pb/@n='20v'-->
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<lb/><p rend="no-indent">before we were lonely on Lake Nyassa</p><anchor xml:id="addEnd-20v"/>
<lb/><p rend="no-indent"><!--hand0249-->much respected by all the officers of the 
<lb/>Gorgon. They would do anything for her. 
<lb/>When they met this vessel at Mozambique 
<lb/>Captain Wilson offered his cabin in that 
<lb/>fine large vessel. not much less than your 
<lb/>forehouse - but she insisted rather that 
<lb/>Miss Mackenzie and M<hi rend="sup underline">rs</hi> Burrup should 
<lb/>go. The kind eagerness evinced to favour 
<lb/>M<hi rend="sup underline">rs</hi> L. awakened envy in more 
<w>pre-<lb break="no"/>tentious.</w> She was such a contrast to those 
<lb/>who wanted everything done for them that 
<lb/>I felt prouder than ever of her. I enjoyed 
<lb/>her society during the three short months 
<lb/>we were together it was the Lord who gave 
<lb/>and He has taken away. I wish to say 
<lb/>sincerely blessed be his name. I regret 
<lb/>as there are always regrets after our loved 
<lb/>ones are gone. That no slander which 
<lb/>unfortunately reached her ears from 
<lb/>missionary gossip &amp; others, had an 
<lb/>influence <add place="above">on me</add> in allowing her to come - a 
<lb/>Doctor of Divinity said when her devotion 
<lb/>to her family was praised - "O she is no 
<lb/>good. She is here because her husband 
<lb/>cannot live with her." the last day will 
<lb/>tell another tale. <choice><abbr>Affy</abbr><expan>affectionately</expan></choice> David Livingstone </p>
			
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